Are you there God? It’s me Jamie…

Who would have thought a song that was a theme song for me at 15 would be the theme song for me today, 17 years later? I am not in any sort of trouble, my health is good, as well as my husband’s and children’s.  It’s not my weight, I have 10 pounds left to lose.  What it is, is the inability to remain calm in the storm.  The incompetence to remain steadfast against the forces of fear, lack, and insecurity.  Can I do better?  Can I be better?  Give me the formula and I can do it to the T. I am disciplined in many things, but patient? Not so.  I just want to know that it is going to be ok.  It is having to stand on God’s word and not on mine.  Trusting the impossible to one day become possible.  To see is not really to believe after all, but the opposite. To believe in what I can’t see.  To hold what I can’t touch.  To love what I can’t feel.  Patience is the quality of endurance. To be still.  To be calm.  To breathe.  To be quiet. To listen.
I know I have shortcomings and limitations, but I also have will power and determination. I am determined to not be dragged under the mass inscriptions of lies, deceits, and counterfeits. I refuse to be weighed down by status quo, false belief systems, and injustice. This is just a moment. A second. A blink. A wave. A small inadequate gesture of a lesson to be learned. I am teachable. I am ready. Teach.