Lake of Black Things.

If betrayal was a compass, leading me to a place in which freedom of heartbreak would greet me, I would walk through knee high deep snows, rugged steep- life threatening- mountains, sloshy gripping mud, and cross the most rapid of streams to get to that place. However, I am in need of solitude. I am in need of a security that can only be brought by the divine. I have rested in the arms of man, but they are not the arms of the absolute. They are the arms of the maybe’s. They are the arms of the could be’s and the think so’s. To rest in and assurance, obedience, and omnipotence. It is beyond my control. Secrets and lies. Lies and secrets covering me like a parcel to be shipped away with a no return address, to be lost forever. To be missed by no one. Is this my fate, my date, my undesirable actuality? No, it is the average life of the average woman, living in the average time of a broken world. Is there a hope? Of course there is. There always is. Truth must rise from the ashes and bring the darkness down into the lake of black things, like hatred, loneliness, shame, bitterness, and death.

Image Credit: The song of the Lark, by Jules Breton

Recalibrate with a Date.

Tonight Sean and I had a date night.  I always find date nights a little getting used to.  I found myself getting quite deep in conversation regarding different topics with a great amount of passion, but the moment I became distracted due to placing my order, or saying, “yes” to the waiter, “the food is fine”, I would lose my train of thought and have no idea what I was talking about.  In my head I would see random pictures of the kids in snow suits…was that what I was talking about?  Or different things the kids were doing today, yesterday, or 2 days ago, but no, I was no where near talking about my kids, yet, they constantly consume my mind.  I believe this is normal.  Kids can never be put in the bracket of out of sight out of mind.  It just doesn’t work that way, at least for me.  I know some people who are experts at this phenomenon, they may not have kids, but they can do this with other things such as work, family, or friends. There is a longing in my heart to stay connected with Sean. It is extremely easy to get side tracked and caught up in the moment of life’s battles, distractions, and obstacles, as well as its celebrations, victories, and agendas, however, we as a couple have a commitment not only to each other, but to our children to be the best we can be for one another. I believe that date nights help with recharging, refocusing, as well as recalibrating. Marriage is a commitment. Friendship is a commitment. Parenting is a commitment. Life is full of commitments, unfortunately we can lose sight of the commitment, and become aloof, uninterested and disengaged. Date night. Fight for it!