It is hard to believe after 15 years of going in and out of dreams, thoughts, attitudes, and magnitudes of self doubts and self discoveries; I am once again face to face with the blue lines on a white page. With my patience, there’s improvement. With my health, its optimum, and my focus, it’s un-wavered. I am touched, moved, lead with compassion, as well as heart break of how time has moved in a like an unwanted guest, and has resided alongside me. He is the space between me and my pillow. I go to sleep and he is there and when I wake, he is the first to kiss me on my lips.
Tonight when I was about to have a bath to “unwind” with my unbelievable awesome bath salts, 1 knocked on the door to use the bathroom. As I waited for her to finish, she looked at the lit candle, stared at the bath salts thrown around in the bath and asked what I was doing. I told her I was going to have a bath. She looked at the bath again and saw her dolls and 2’s cars on the bath’s edge and asked if I was going to play with their toys. I told her, “No, I was too big for toys, but I used to have toys when I was younger.” She then told me I am a big big kid with kids, because I have a mom. I liked this. I haven’t thought of myself as a big big kid, ever, only when I was big in other ways, but yeah, being a big, big kid is a bit foreign to me. I used to be way more easy going, but life happened. Exams happened. Deadlines, pressures, and bills happened. Making dinners, budgeting and having to buy toilet paper and expensive gas happened. I grew up. I became wife, a mom, a role model. Responsibilities happened. However, I want my daughter to see me as a big big kid, because to me, that means things aren’t impossible, life isn’t difficult or challenging, and any thing is possible. Now, I am not into Peter Pan, but I am into dreaming big. I want my kids to dream big and to have big dreams. I want them to believe for the impossible and to see the impossible become a reality, because of the belief they have. I pray I become more and more of a big, big kid and that my kids grow up to be big kids, too, never losing their creative imagination and having faith to believe in the unseen world that embraces them and defines them.
Last week when Sean’s sister was here I made this for dinner with a fancy loaf. To me there is nothing greater than eating a tasty Chili with a fancy loaf on a blustery day. Like mentioned before, the West Coast can be a rainy coast, and that particular day was alright by me. I hope you have time to make this chili one day. It is from Post Punk Kitchen and it is delish!
Red Lentil Chili
(By Post Punk Kitchen)
Olive oil (1 teaspoon to 2 tablespoons, however much you feel like using)
1 large yellow onion, diced medium
1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced medium
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 ½ lbs sweet potatoes cut into ¾ inch chunks
1 cup red lentils
1 teaspoon salt
4 cups vegetable broth
2 15 oz cans kidney beans, drained and rinsed
2 tablespoons Thai red curry paste
1 15 oz can lowfat coconut milk
28 oz can diced tomatoes
½ cup fresh cilantro, plus extra for garnish
Limes for garnish (optional)
How To Play:
Preheat a 4-quart pot over medium heat. Saute onions and pepper in oil with a pinch of salt, for 5 to 7 minutes. Add garlic and saute a minute more.
Add chili powder, sweet potatoes, lentils, salt and vegetable broth. Cover and bring to a boil. Let it boil for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent burning. When lentils are cooked and sweet potatoes are tender, add the remaining ingredients and heat through.
Taste for salt and seasoning, top with cilantro and lime and serve!
* Note: This tastes great the way it is, two things I am going to do the next time is add 2 pounds of sweet potatoes and use regular coconut milk, as spin instructor Lauri says, you need to eat fat to burn fat!
I have had no time whatsoever to make granola. This morning, because I am all out, I added chopped dried cranberries, a hand full of toasted pumpkin seeds, and a few chopped roasted and salted pecans to my flax flakes. It did the trick for now, but later today I will have the granola made. Last night we went to a cool little cajun restaurant in the city. We picked up sister Jojo and then Michelle. Michelle and I have been friends for over 15 years, which is crazy, because I sometimes feel as though I am still15, again, just sometimes, not always! 1 asked me the other day when she will be 21 and I told her in 16 years. Oh 21, it put a smile on my face, not because it was such a good year, in fact, I was miserably depressed then, but 21 seems so young…then I did the math of how old I will be in 16 years and I was hit with panic. I am getting old. Flashbacks to the dermatologist entered my mind, the cares of twenties, the worries of thirties, now forties? Perhaps mature seems a more fitted word, but it seems with every year comes new responsibilities. Maybe this is my issue. I sometimes feel so overly responsible as it is, to have more responsibilities placed on me, can I handle it? Well, I am not going to let it consume me. I am going to stay focused on the year I am now instead of the year I am not.
Here are a couple of shots from last night. Michelle had a hot Caribbean Chicken dish, I had jambalaya, Sean had a beef dish, and Jojo had ribs.