Tired, restless, but determined. I didn’t want to do my sit ups tonight. I was nearing the end of my workout and was feeling extremely worn-out, but this song kicked on in my shuffle and my mood switched. I forgot about this song and it helped me to carry on to the end, sweat dripping, teeth clenching, and stomach cramping.
I should just go to bed because the challenge of not eating after 7 is consuming my mind to the immense max of all maxes. All I want is popcorn and I want it NOW. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
For 2’s birthday all he wanted was chocolate cupcakes. Oh, a child after my own heart. I love both chocolate and cupcakes. I can’t believe he is now three. It is fun to watch the kids and listen to them talk to each other. Did I talk like this when I was their age? There is a kind of pressure I have been feeling lately. How much will my everyday interactions with my kids affect them both positively and negatively? I remember most of my childhood from the age 2 1/2 years and up. My words and facial expressions are being constantly imprinted into my little loves. When I was running this evening, I was thinking about the different pressures currently overwhelming me. I am slightly neurotic, yes, especially with germs, so that is something I feel overwhelmed with, also finances. They have to be the ever constant beast in my life, just like my weight. Losing weight and saving money are a handful of numbers and equations that I allow to fill my brain and consume my thoughts. Sometimes I run to burn off steam, other times I run to distract myself, tonight was one of those nights. I needed a distraction. I had a really good conversation with my grandma earlier and I have come to the realization, whether we are in our 30’s or in our 80’s, we all have the same struggles and pressures in life, they just present themselves to us differently. I don’t want to live in fear. I really don’t. That is why I am dedicating this recipe to the worry warts. Those who worry about weight, those who are concerned about money and germs, sickness and death. This is for those who lack discipline and fear they won’t be able to stop themselves from wanting to eat more. The neurotics, the fear mongers and the scaredy cats, all of you, fear not, this cake will not harm you, it will liberate you…within reason, of course.
(Inspired by Rebar’s chocolate cake)
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
1 1/2 cups unbleached flour
1/2 Dutch process cocoa
1 1/2 Tsp baking soda, aluminium free
3/4 Tsp baking powder, aluminium free
1/4 Tsp sea salt
3/4 cup strong coffee
3/4 cup buttermilk (I used 3/4 cup milk with 1 Tsp vinegar added to it)
1/3 cup + 2 Tbsp vegetable oil (I used 1/3 cup grapeseed oil only)
2 eggs (1 whole egg + 1 egg yolk)
1 Tsp pure vanilla
5 oz (150 g) milk chocolate
5 oz (150 g) dark chocolate
1/2 lb (225 g) butter, softened
1/4 lb (112 g) cream cheese, spreadable
1 Tsp pure vanilla
How To Play:
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tray. Set aside. Combine the sugar, flour,cocoa, baking powder, soda and salt in the bowl of a mixer and whisk on low to combine, making sure it is lump free. Add the coffee, milk, oil, eggs, and vanilla and mix on medium-low for 2 minutes, stopping to scrape down the sides. The batter will be pourable.
Use a ladle to distribute the batter evenly into prepared cupcake liners. Bake for 15 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Let the cakes sit for 10 minutes before removing them from the tray.
* Note: This recipe is for a 8″ round cake, so there is extra batter. I made 4 small heart shaped cakes as well, to use all the batter. I don’t think it would enough to make 2 dozen cupcakes, but perhaps if they were small ones, it could.
Next, the icing. This, as mentioned above, is actually for the 8″cake’s filling, but I used it as an icing for the cupcakes instead. Melt the milk and dark chocolates in a double boiler and stir until smooth. Cool 10 minutes. Cream together the butter, cream cheese and vanilla. Mix the cooled chocolate into the creamed mixture.
Once the cupcakes are completely cooled, spread icing evenly over each one, gently transfer the iced cupcakes in the fridge and serve when ready.